Learning to Handle Workplace Conflict

Conflict at work is inevitable. Your boss criticizes the report you worked hard on all week; your coworker constantly interrupts you with her latest personal problems while you're trying to meet a deadline; or your best customer is irate because he received a damaged shipment of important merchandise.

How you perceive conflicts, however, can make the difference between escalating discord and successfully resolving it.

It's the pressure of conflict that can provide the motivation and opportunity for change. That's why successful people use conflict as a motivator.

If you're fearful your opponent will win and you'll lose, your fear triggers your instinctive fight or flight response. Neither is effective in the workplace.

Easing the tension

Here are tips from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on how to deal with conflict and keep your cool:

• Relax. Breathe deeply and slowly, concentrating on using your diaphragm, not your chest, for each breath. Repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself. Picture a relaxing experience.

• Change your thinking. Acknowledge the conflict but realize that it's just a rough spot, not the end of the world.

• Problem-solve. Zero in on the specific problem at the core of the conflict and address it directly. Use this tactic even when the problem doesn't have an easy or quick solution.

• Think before you speak. In a conflict, slow down and consider what you want to say. Likewise, listening carefully to what the other person is saying.

• Manage stress. Conflicts, whether at work or at home, are stressful. Deal with the stress in your daily life by taking time to do enjoyable, calming activities. These might include listening to music, writing in a journal, meditating or exercising.

Acknowledge

When someone raises his or her voice in anger, that attack is packed with emotional energy. Acknowledgment alone is often enough to remove the anger and negativity from an attacker's position.

Here are some acknowledging statements you can use:

• "You might be right. Tell me more about …"

• "It sounds like you're having a rough time with …"

• "How can I help?"

By looking for mutual understanding instead of trying to convince the other person you're right, you align yourself with your attacker's energy instead of fighting against it. You're now both on the same team.