Finding and Keeping Friends

Having a friend is one of the joys of life. Research has found that children in positive friendships are less prone to bullying. Adult friendships reduce stress and anxiety and provide courage and support. Friendships are a buffer against loneliness and depression for older adults.

Likewise, many studies have found strong friendships reduce the risk for disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate and cholesterol. The Nurses' Health Study from Harvard Medical School found the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged. The results were so significant the researchers concluded that not having close friends was as detrimental to health as smoking or being overweight.

The following suggestions can help you make and keep a friend and live a more harmonious life.

Finding new friends

• Be a people person. Smile and project a positive attitude to be more approachable. Ask questions and take an active interest in other people. Remember names and personal details so you can strike up a conversation when you meet again.

• Find new friends through activities you enjoy. If you like to draw, join an art club. If you like to bike, get involved with a cycling group that tours together. Whatever your interests, getting together with others who share your interests puts you in a good position to make new friends.

• Join a support group. Support groups are a great way to meet people who have similar health issues or life challenges.

• Attend community activities, such as sporting events, plays, concerts, art shows, poetry readings, book signings, civic groups, special interest groups and political meetings. Take a course or join a church. Let yourself be seen and known in the community.

• Volunteer. Strong connections often are formed when people work together on projects or issues that benefit others. Consider helping at a soup kitchen, reading to children in day care, visiting people in nursing homes or serving on a social action committee.

• Make friends of acquaintances. To do so, work on improving your relationships with people already in your life by doing such things as inviting them to your home for a meal, getting together to watch a video or giving them support when they're struggling with a problem.

• Think quality, not quantity. Having a small number of close friends improves your emotional well-being more than having a roomful of casual acquaintances.

Being a friend

• Be a good listener. Let the other person know you're paying close attention through eye contact, body language and occasional brief comments like: "I knew you could do it." "That sounds like fun." "I bet you wish it had happened some other way." Avoid thinking about your response while the person is talking. If a person is sharing something personal, give that your full attention. Don't share an "I can top that" story.

• Keep personal information confidential. As you feel more comfortable with the other person, you'll find you talk more and share more personal information. Have a mutual understanding that anything personal the two of you discuss will not be mentioned to anyone else.

• Have a good time. Spend most of your time with your friends doing fun, interesting activities. Sometimes friendships get bogged down if all you do is talk about each other's problems. Go to a movie, take a walk, play ball, watch a sports event, cook a meal -- whatever would be fun for both of you. Take turns suggesting and initiating these activities.

• Stay in touch. Maintain regular contact with your friends, even when things are going well. Give them a call or send them a note or e-mail. Regular contact is the best way to ensure your friendships remain strong.